Career-Break: Uncovering the Reasoning and Realities of Being a Stay-At-Home-Parent.
On March 1, 2020. I was woken up by the buzzing of my iPhone’s silent alarm at 5:00 am. I snuck out of bed quietly like a ninja, a perception my husband would highly disagree with. I swayed into the kitchen, feeling the cold hardwood floors beneath my feet with eyes barely open. I had one mission. Coffee.
My mind was starting to wake as I stared at the bubbles of boiling water coming to life inside my glass kettle. As the kettle beeped, it occurred to me that today, I will not have to rush through my morning to get ready for work.
I will not be going to work for a while.
Some weeks ago, I decided to hit the pause button on my professional life. The familiarity of a typical day, just like the familiarity of automatically filling my French Press with tablespoons of coffee and hot water, will no longer be life as I know it.
I will now be a full-time mom for the next couple of years. It felt surreal. I, the ambitious, driven, workaholic is on a career break.
Like the brewing coffee in my French Press, the idea of quitting my job had brewed for a while. When I returned to work after becoming a parent in 2018, life turned erratic. I would have days where the excitement of new projects, travel, and time with colleagues felt like the perfect getaway from my motherly duties. On the contrary, I would have days where I could feel my heart hollow leaving my baby in exchange for that seemingly perfect getaway from the day before.
Similar to the coffee grinds in my French Press I kept everything afloat for two years. I adapted to the philosophy of “quality” over “quantity” of time with my baby. I even mastered the whole “work-life integration” thing. I was working at a company that allowed me more flexibility than I had ever imagined. Everything was going just FINE.
FINE just wasn’t enough for me but the thought of leaving the corporate world was paralyzing.
I told myself that it was ridiculous to leave at the height of my career. A career I spent more than a decade building. It was irrational to leave behind a cushy paycheck, benefits, and perks. It was heart-breaking to leave behind a team I truly cared about. It was gut-wrenching to have to tell my super-amazing nanny that I have to “let her go”. It was nerve-racking not knowing how the dynamics of my marriage would change. The list went on and on. I was spinning in a cyclone of fear and guilt.
Unlike the plunger of my French Press, plunging into the coffee in an instant. It took me a while to plunge out of the corporate world. It took me a while to find the courage I needed to hit pause.
It is now March 2022.
As I sit here with my perfect cup of coffee, I have come to realize that I am not the only person who struggled with this decision. I am confident there are parents or mothers out there, struggling with the same dilemma, at this very moment.
I want to share my reasoning and the realities of taking a career break to stay at home with my child. I hope it will help you in your decision-making journey, especially if you’re on the fence like I was.
So, here it goes:
You need to get your money story right to enjoy the time away from work.
It would be remiss of me not to mention the most important aspect of being able to take a career break. Money. I am more than grateful to have learned about personal finance at a young age which allowed me to build a financial nest egg. Before you take a career break, do the math and plan your financials to give yourself enough runway. This can range from increasing income, decreasing spending, reducing the cost of living, working as a freelancer during your break, or running a side-hustle. You need to make sure this part of your decision is solid or it could be a stressful time.
You need to roll with the punches because things won’t go as planned.
I had grandiose ideas of what my time-off would look like. I pictured cute mommy-and-me brunches, museums, traveling the globe, and whatnot. Two weeks into my break we got locked down due to the Coronavirus pandemic. I also realized very quickly that toddlers are not joyous all day, every day. However, with the “great lockdown” came “great moments” of laughter, cuddles, and lots of creative ways to have fun. I learned that joy is the accumulation of life’s simplest moments. You need to set the right expectations because things can go sideways.
You need to truly validate the “why” of your decision.
I will tell you from experience that being a full-time parent is hard work, especially when your child is little. You will undoubtedly have days or moments that will drive you to question your decision. A solid “why” will be much needed. I often remind myself of my #1 reason. I focus on gratitude and realize the luxury I have been granted. A career break is made by choice and with intention. It isn’t influenced, forced, or situational. Don’t take a career break to get away from a miserable job or offset childcare costs or please someone else. Do it because you want to and do it for you.
Your brand, network, and job skills won’t dissipate into thin air.
I was nervous about what it would be like to return to the workforce. I made it a goal to keep in touch with people in my network. I kept tabs on the industry. To my surprise, opportunities have continued to come my way throughout my career break either from people I’ve worked with or worked for previously. When I have conversations about things related to my industry or previous role, everything comes right back. Your brand, your professional network, and your job skills will stay alive, as long as you choose to keep them alive.
You will gain new perspectives and feel re-energized.
I traded days of squeezing work in between meetings for days where I was in total control of my schedule. I found myself starting the morning with yoga, followed by going down slides at the playground with my toddler and feeling like a kid again. I would enjoy a nice healthy lunch, followed by another cup of coffee and a book while my toddler napped. I met inspirational people outside of my typical circle who showed me different perspectives on the things I wouldn’t have been exposed to. You will find new inspiration, energy and see things differently when you step away from your comfort zone.
You will get to thrive as a parent rather than just survive.
I don’t believe we were born to be good at anything. We got good at things by actively doing, learning, and improving daily. I realized that parenting is no different. Spending 24/7 with my child has allowed me, to know her at the deepest level. I had time to read parenting books and take the theories for a test drive. I got to be her first teacher, friend, coach, chef, storyteller, doctor, housekeeper, chauffeur, monster killer, superhero and the list goes on. You will become a better parent when you aren’t juggling a million things. It’s a skill and bond you’ll walk away with for the rest of your lives together.
You will grow and get to the root of who you truly are.
Sure, I developed some new skills while I was working but it was limited. The reality was, by the end of my workday I couldn’t bear looking at more screens. I was exhausted. Truth is, time and energy are finite. In my time off I got to read business books, novels and take more courses than I ever had. Taking an online course or reading a book was literally a vacation from my mom duties. I also reaffirmed that I am without a doubt a Type A, technophile strategist because that part of me has remained constant. This, my husband, will 100% agree with. I was only able to live without structure for a short amount of time before I drove him crazy with all the apps he had to get to be a part of the household. You will continue to grow and get to know how you function and who you innately are.
You can always get a job but you cannot get time back.
I realized that I could always go back to work but my daughter was going to be little only once. I learned that 70–90% of my child’s brain will develop by the age of 5. I wanted to give my daughter a strong foundation in life and cherish the fleeting years of early childhood. I knew deep down that I would regret not investing my time bonding with my daughter more than I would regret any career accomplishment, promotion, perk, or salary. You need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself what you would regret more when you look back at your life.
One night, after my coffee wore out, I decided to watch a movie. In the movie, I heard a quote and it hit me just like caffeine hits me in the morning.
“What” and “If” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: “What if?” — Lise Friedman —
This quote sums up my reasoning succinctly. I did not want to look back at my life and wonder “What if?”. I will forever be grateful for the time I had with my daughter. It is an experience I will take to the grave.
I acknowledge that staying at home with a child is not everyone’s cup of coffee but it was absolutely, certainly, and unapologetically mine.
I hope you found my perspective valuable in helping you find your answer. I wish you the courage to move forward and most importantly a solid plan in place to take this leap successfully.
